I feel like total dog shit. I'm fat, i'm ugly and my own son says so. I want to take a knife and cut the fat off of me. i HATE MYSELF LIKE THIS. I HATE IT!!!!!!!!! I AM SO REPULSIVE AND DISGUSTING I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK AT MYSELF. I HATE THESE MEDS FOR DOING THIS TO ME. I HATE SCHIZOPHRENIA. I HATE MY KNEES WHICH DON'T LET ME EXERCISE RIGHT. I HATE MY ASTHMA FOR MAKING MY LUNGS THE SIZE OF PEANUTS WHEN I TRY TO WORK OUT. I HATE THIS!!! I HATE THIS!!! I WANT THAT SURGERY AND I WANT IT NOW!!! i'm absolutely desperate. i'd rather die than be this fat for much longer and DON'T FUCKING TELL ME TO EAT LESS/BETTER AND WORK OUT MORE!!!!! I'VE DONE THAT A MILLION TIMES AND I'M FATTER THAN EVER!!! SO DON'T ANYONE DARE TELL ME THAT IT'S ALL I HAVE TO DO AND I'LL BE FINE. i want this surgery. i have to wait a YEAR because of my stupid fucking insurance company. i'm desperate i'm disgusted i barely eat because i feel guilty when i do. but then i have low blood sugar and i start getting dizzy and nauseous and i puke up stomach acid (which i seem to have an abundance of). i'm a fat disgusting cow. i'm going to go hide my fat body in a hole somewhere. or maybe i'll just give up. break all the mirrors in the house... maybe in 2 YEARS my son will no longer be ashamed of me.