February 22nd, MMIII

~


When you hold your breath for a moment--for an instant--you can feel the gravity pressing down upon your body. You feel suddenly heavy. No, no, not like that. Don't hold your breath like that. Like this. Just still your lungs. Don't block up the airways. Just still them. . .There. . . that's it. And let the air out slowly slowly. And very gently in small amounts. Yes. Can't you feel the pressure? Can you feeling trying to press you to the ground? Trying to push you to the floor? How was I ever to feel I could make it when the moment I was born something was trying to push me down? Knock me down?

How were we to make it? How were we to make sense of it all? Yes yes. Slowly and gently. Don't let it out too fast. Now you feel one of the many things set against you. Yes. Now you feel. But now you are stronger. That invisible weight is now no longer invisible. You can almost see it. And you can see all the rest. Clearly, clearly.

Relax into the sound of your heartbeat, no longer marred by your breathing. Comforting. You are alive. Despite it all, you are alive. The stillness. The peace. Just a brain and a heart. Sort out all those weights. Those people, those feelings.

Now take in an even deep breath. Now you are still. Now you have the stilled calmness of not breathing but you are. Now your mind is still. Now you can think about it all more reasonably. Reasonably.